Ouch!!!!

Lately I had been crasy over something on Facebook. On one of the post, Andy commented something and its really ouch. I'm not sure wether is it true but I guess that person will say the same. Now only I know that person's feeling of being with someone you don't love but that person loves you so much and you don't know and don't have the guts to tell that person. It's like, when you want to tell but you are so afraid that that person will get hurt so much. I want to concentrate on my SPM now and no get involve in any love life. Maybe I had not yet moved on. Its not easy to move on when we want to. It just come by itself. I think time should solve most of the thing. I seemed happy with everything around but in fact I'm not. I don't know how to say but it's just like that. When we love someone, we want to be with that person and make him/her happy, ease him/her life, lift him/her burden and so on. Some people said, true love means to let that person happy no matter what it takes for us to do it but to me, its not exactly true. You know, sometimes, love is just ain't so true. If something that will make that person happy but it may hurt or harm that person's safety, we wouldn't want him/her to do/ get that right? So, here is my theory. If it's something right after observation and judgement than do it! or else DON"T!!!!. Do not play with fire.

When this person(lets name her A) told me that A don't want to be with me anymore, my heart crushed. I had given up something important to be with A and suddenly, A told me that we can't be together anymore. I was like, WHAT THE HELL!!!! F**K!!!! WHY???? Then, I kept on bugging A for months till one day A told me that A love someone else(B). DAMN!!!! That must be so not true!!!(that was what I had told myself). Almost each day when we texted, A told me how much A love B and blablabla. My heart hurts so damn much but at the same time, I felt happy because A is so happy with the presence of B. From the previous experience(before A), I had learn that we should not be selfish in love. Sometimes, I think, maybe A is just testing me or something but after awhile, I know its not. Ok. Back to what Andy commented on one of my post in Facebook. Andy told me that A ask me to move on and get a new life. I was like, ouch! That hurts. What she meant by that? hurmm.... I can't really move on now. I guess I will be stucked her for a little while. Today, I chatted with someone(C). This is the person A loved so much. I had never chatted with C but today C suddenly started to chat with me on Facebook. Darn... I was shocked. Then, after some chat, I get to know that C loves A so much too.... I guess they both are gonna be together maybe soon or after SPM. A ask me to buy something and I know, its because of C. I was angry but its ok. A ask me to do, I'll just do it. Its for A anyway. As long as A is happy with what A is doing, its fine for me. I'll be happy as long as A is happy. If anything goes wrong with A, I will surely help her no matter what it takes. Some people may think that I am stupid or what so ever but it ok. That is what you think. I am still and will forever love A. A! What you said or did that hurts me will be forgiven it less than a blink of eye but my love to you will never less. I hope you made the right choice. All the best, good luck and LOVE YOU!

To ...... I am really sorry. I don't think I can accept you as I think it will not be fair if I'm with you but my heart and soul is not with you. I do love you but I realised that that is friends/sisters love. I don't want to lie to you and make you feel guilty or anything. Its not fair for us to be together as you love me so much but I don't. Please, give me some time to get myself out of the past mess that haven't solved. I am still strangled in this mess that makes me suffer each time I thought about it. Every moment I had now, I would like to dedicate to my dear SPM but at the same time care for A. After that I want to work, concentrate on guiding and taekwondo. I had really missed a lot in guiding and taekwondo. To be honest, the main purpose I want to work is because I want to get money for A's birthday present and because her present that I had planned is not cheap(it cost upto RM1000) so I have to work to get it. Besides, I want to get something for F too and of course something like an iPhone to induldge myself and also to keep for savings. I am sorry but you are not yet in my heart. Hope you can understand and accept this well......